“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”—Mark Twain (via observando)
Pose ta main sur mes lèvres
quand, lasse de ses errances
mon âme replie ses ailes,
et inconsolable t’implore.
Pose ta main sur mes lèvres
qu’éperdu par ma douleur,
dans mon courroux et dans ma peine,
je ne couvre pas ton nom
Dimtcho Débélyanov, 1911
”—Traduit du bulgare par Ralitsa Mihailova Frison-Roche
I have found this dark (as the author warns in the beginning) post, so I share some comments that are in my head after I’ve read it.
First, what I don’t like on grindr are all those guys putting “no asians/blacks/…" statuses. Dudes, really? This is the "about me" field, are you really defined by what you hate rather than what you are? So I agree completely with the author when he complains that the muscled white man has been imposed as the only object of desire for gay men.
Also, I never liked filling drop-down boxes. I am very happy that somebody puts in a blog that it’s not ok that guys “have fearfully squashed themselves into simplified categories of drop-down boxes”. My problem with drop-down boxes, that are so common on grindr and other dating sites is that you give too much useless information about yourself. And when you flood your potential date with useless information you are sure that, in the midst of this flood, time will never come to discuss interesting stuff.
But, what the author of endracismandhomophobia.tumblr.com is saying in the post that I linked at the beginning and what I’m adding in the previous paragraph is not that the problem is in grindr per se. The problem are the ways some people use it. I live in France, this guy lives in Australia. Different people, definitely (or at least 99% of them). What makes grindr experiences on different sides of the planet so similar? Well, the answer I have for myself is that when you are part of the gay scene, it is difficult (we should hope so!) to tell somebody you don’t like them because of their age or ethnic origin. I don’t say people don’t avoid other dudes based on ethnic criteria, but at least they don’t put big signs “no asians/blacks/…” on their tshirts. And behind the screen of your smartphone…behind the screen of your smartphone it is terribly easy to be racist, ageist, whatsoever.
So, I repeat, the problem are not the dating applications & websites per se, the problem is when people take advantage of the ease not to face the consequences of the discrimination they impose. So, I don’t think the occasional grindr user who uses grindr to find a date (well, or even hookup) to be the iGay described in the article. The problem is taking all your time to chase a social construction, a guy that does not really exist, insulting everybody you meet on the road. But at some point this is nobody else’s problem: if you pass your time to look for the straight-acting-muscled-white-guy, and you suddenly realize that you are missing all the fun (shoot, this word has a different meaning now on grindr, shame!), nobody will give you your time back.
In France, we have the absurdity of the “hors milieu" hypocrisy (hors milieu=out of the gay scene). Gay guys, who don’t want to be spotted with other gay guys, because they don’t want to be taken for…gay guys. Va comprendre! So grindr is the provider of their scene…the scene of the out-of-the-scene. A new milieu, undoubtedly worse than anything bad (nothing and nobody is perfect, and yet this is subjective) you could see in the gay scene. And the biggest hypocrisy is that they still need a tool in order to meet, to hook up, and grindr is the perfect help: they are anonymous and are left free to expose their cowardice. Well, I’m not opposed to the idea to make grindr unpopular, just to watch the hors milieu guys return to the Parisian Marais and beg for pardon :-)
What Alan Turing’s fate is telling me is that, when it comes to LGBT rights, we should never claim victory too early. Turing did it, and he only receives pardon 60 years later. The fight should continue.
« Voilà pourquoi Madiba est à nous tous. Voilà pourquoi quatre générations se sont emparées de ce sourire d’aurore, de cette voix pulmonneuse, de cette démarche qui s’assure à chaque pas que le sol ne se détourne pas. Voilà pourquoi nous n’avons pas le droit, même si nos esprits sont en lambeaux et nos âmes éperdues, même si l’horizon joue à s’esquiver, même si le monde est désorienté, nous n’avons pas le droit d’en faire une icône. De le désincarner. De le poncer, le lisser »
“When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him. In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”—Albert Camus (via nirvikalpa)
“When people fight you to shut you up about a topic like race—and sexism, it means that you have stumbled upon the cultural silence that must be patrolled in order to maintain hegemony.”—Junot Díaz (via ethiopienne)
“Our poems can never satisfy us, since they are at best a diminished echo of a song that maybe once or twice in a lifetime we’ve heard and keep trying to recall.”—Stanley Kunitz, “Reflections” (via awordforlivingcreatures)